Posted in family, parenting, Uncategorized

Half-Assing It

Being pregnant is one of the best miracles a woman can experience in her life. My first pregnancy I was a little spoiled; I didn’t have any morning sickness, I never felt more beautiful, and most importantly I didn’t have to chase around a child while I was as big as a whale. I lived with a roommate then but we were on opposite shifts so I spent most of my free time in bed eating and watching old Law and Order: SVU episodes on Netflix. I ordered whatever food I wanted with no judgement, it was quiet ALL THE TIME, I could take naps whenever I wanted. It was the pregnancy dream! This pregnancy is oh so different. I had morning sickness for about the first four months that slowly shifted into daily headaches. I managed through both of those plus the usual fatigue while being trapped in a house with an overly-hyper 3 (now 4) year old. I don’t get to eat whatever I feel like eating (mostly because there are no food places in this town), there’s no peace and quiet when I need it, and I can’t nap whenever I feel the need. My illusion of another magical pregnancy has been shut down. I have started to realize that because of all of this, my parenting skills may be lacking. Hold on, don’t call CPS yet…let me explain.

{the following photos are reenactments}

 

  1. Sometimes with my morning sickness I can get as far as changing a diaper and preparing breakfast before I’m back in bed struggling to keep contents of my stomach where they belong.

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One morning Eli came into my room to ask what I was doing, I replied that I was sick and just needed to lay down for a while. He left and returned with a giant bag of skittles and assured me that it would make me feel better. Then shortly after, returned again asking for more cereal. I told him I couldn’t get up and to bring the cereal to me. So being the good little man he is, came back in with his bowl and box of cereal that I could pour from the comfort of my bed.

 

 

  1. Most of my relaxing time is laid back in a recliner. When you’re pregnant, getting in and out of furniture proves to be quite the challenge; thus, making me a seated yeller.

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Much like a small puppy, Eli needs to be reprimanded right when bad behavior is happening so he is aware of what I’m talking about. If I miss my opportunity, odds are discussing it after the fact doesn’t have much effect. When I am sitting down and Eli is in another room or in the basement I listen out for any signs of distress. I distinguish whether he is frustrated (whiny yell), upset (loud yelling/crying), being mean (other child crying), then proceed with the coordinating response. For example: “Don’t get mad, just take your time!”, “What’s wrong with you now?!”, “Eli you better be playing nice or you come upstairs!”

 

 

  1. When my morning sickness shifted into daily headaches I was back laying down with an ice pack. I usually just tell Eli mommy’s head hurts and he can do whatever he wants if he leaves me alone for a while.

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I’m sure I will be using this one once the new baby comes and I’m exhausted and delusional. It’s much easier to let the kids make a mess so they leave you alone then clean it up yourself later. Anyone with me? Or is this just me?

 

 

  1. I’m not really a “cravings” type girl, however the fact that I couldn’t keep anything down for most of the first four months of this pregnancy led me to be a lover of food now.

I use Eli as an excuse to get whatever food I feel like eating. “Eli, you wanna go get ice cream?” Sometimes he says no because he’s too busy playing, which sends me into a panic because I really wanted ice cream. “Are you sure you don’t want ice cream?” “Come on, let’s go for a ride!” [OMG PLEASE GO GET ICE CREAM WITH ME]

 

 

  1. Kindergarten is just over a year away. Did you know they don’t take naps in kindergarten anymore? What kind of crap is that… The time is upon us that Eli’s nap time will soon disappear. He already doesn’t nap at daycare, but believe you me, at home we are taking naps.

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Your girl is pretty exhausted these days. Sometimes I need a little nap time to get me through the day. Who’s with me? Eli is fine with or without naps to be honest, but while we have the time to nap and I have the need for my own nap time, why not? I am keeping nap time around as long as possible, even if it is for my own personal gain.

 

 

  1. Empty threats. I spoke earlier about how it’s already difficult for me to get out of the recliner sometimes. This has made me the queen of empty threats.

“Eli knock it off or I’m gonna come down there!” yeah…. I’m not going anywhere…

 

 

  1. I find opportunities for rest and relaxation whenever I can, including bath time

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Eli usually handles his bath time by himself now, I only step in for hair washing and when it’s time to get out and get in pajamas. Therefore, everything in between in mama’s break time. Every bath night I can be heard saying “Eli, we have to get out in 5 minutes” repeatedly for a good half hour.

I am sure there are even more things that I am half-assing as a pregnant (and temporarily-single mother). Surely, I can’t be the only pregnant (and even non-pregnant)  woman out there who struggles to find breaks and relaxation?

Author:

26. Marine wife, stay at home mother. funny, sarcastic, sympathetic, and a lover of memes.

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